My parents bought me Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence for my birthday. It's an excellent film, and possibly more of a mindfuck than the first. while i was watching the mini-run-lola-run section near the end, i realized they were saying perfectly what i tried to say a long time ago. jealousy is faulty because it depends on memory. A memory. one that has been 'virtualized'. when you look back at what happened, you have no way of knowing what changes your own brain has made to the original event, either when it was originally stored, or in the time since.
time out for a cross-post from another journal i keep:
when we're born, we have two parents. we love them both, in that
wide-eyed admiration otherwise reserved for gods. as we grow up, we
love them more like people, and sometimes loving one more than the
other, but always trying to love both. those of us with siblings
expect our parents to love us (somewhat) equally. sure, there's
favoritism, but never the expectation that our parents should stop
loving our siblings and focus on us alone. (children who behave
thusly are punished until the behavior is corrected).
once we're old enough to have friends, we make as many friends as we
are able. when we attend church, we're told to love all of god's
creation. we're told that in heaven we will be in perfect love and
harmony with all men.
so why, when it comes to romantic love, do we let ourselves build up
this expectation that our lover should love only us? why, in the face
of a lifetime of evidence to the contrary, do we suddenly believe
humans have a fixed quota of love? that love shared elsewhere somehow
detracts from the love given to us?bias: i believe friendship is the purest form of love, and that
'romantic love' is a version of that.
so my best attempt at a summary goes like this: honest discussion in the present is the only way of dealing with our insecurities. honest discussion that deals with the real sadness and confusion in the present, and not blaming based on events for which there are only faulty records available.
Disclaimer: this is a response to things i've read recently, and not an indication of undisclosed current events. this is intended to spur open discussion, nothing else.
3 Comments
I think you’re correct here regarding a couple things.
First, I really like how you point out that we shouldn’t expect our spouse (or friend) to love us and only us. Not only is it selfish, it’s unrealistic to boot.
Second, I agree that honest discussion can only take place in the present. Dredging up the past usually only leads to more insecurities and misinformation. Deal with things as they happen and honest discussion is much more likely to take place sucessfully.
mostly.
it’s not always possible to deal with an incident when it happens (distance often being a factor). even when it is possible, the present effects are more important than the incident itself. even an instant after the event, you’re still discussing a reference copy, not the original event.
i’m realizing this sounds a lot like a certain mr. frey, but it’s not the same. i’m not saying the incident doesn’t matter, or didn’t happen, just that it’s too tainted by emotion to be used. the emotion is the effect that needs to be dealt with.
I see your point. Food for thought.
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